Loneliness isn't for you...

I was single until age 34, which of course is a bit out of the norm, so I had a lot of loneliness to deal with through those years.  It is a painful and scary place to be, and I found myself sometimes doing the “what if I die an old man in an apartment somewhere and nobody even knows I’m gone” thing.  I remember occasional panic attacks on a Friday or Saturday night if I couldn’t find someone to hang out with, because it just made me feel so isolated.  Loneliness is a real feeling, but I find it’s greatest power is in the FEAR of “will this ever end?”

I remember a specific season when all my roommates left and since I owned a big house, I was there alone.  I had never lived alone, and begged God not to force me to live alone.  At the same time, most of my friends were out of the picture for various reasons (dating, out of state, etc.), and so I had a lot of weekends and nights to myself.  I was heavily involved at church, so I wasn’t without interactions, but the whole thing just felt scary.  And of course the old man in the apartment fear always lingered in the back of my mind.

One day in a prayer time God spoke to my heart.  I suddenly realized that nowhere in scripture is it God’s desire for us to be lonely.  Psalm 68:5-6, and 68:19 say this:

5   A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
6   God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing;  but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”  
19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

God is with us, so we are never alone!  He is the one who takes up our causes and our pain, and He is the one passionate to see us through!  I felt God speak a truth to my heart that demolished all the fear I had been feeling.  This truth became a foundation for joy and peace in my life:

God ALWAYS wants us in relationships, especially with HIM. 

God will NEVER be working to isolate us or disconnect us long term.  The fear of dying old and alone with no one caring is from Hell.  Now this doesn’t mean my own actions or the actions of others won’t cause damage and destruction, but I learned then the path AWAY from loneliness is a path of pursuing God.

During this time I learned some key principles for handling loneliness that I have never forgotten.

God’s presence is real.  If I will seek Him, pray and read the bible, and treat Him like the real presence He says He is, He truly does become a strong tower, a shield, a refuge, etc.  His peace and His joy are beyond compare, and they come only from a relationship with Him!

Stay ENGAGED!  I believe scripture squarely puts some responsibility on us to make an effort in life, but we can be sure if we are trying to have relationships with God and others, He will bless that.  Hebrews 10:25 tells us what God wants:
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Also, God clearly wants us serving each other and meeting other’s needs.  Galatians 5:13 says:
“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love.”
We are given life to love God and love others.  We need to be active in our pursuit of ministering to others needs.  Which leads me to another point…

Accept whoever God provides!  I will say some of my most meaningful relationships came out of a prayer: “God, this person drives me crazy.  But if you want me to love them, I am willing.”  Many of my best relationships started hard, but became life-long connections.
Keep your eyes open.  God wants us to be willing to engage with people from all walks of life.

Enjoy life!  During this time I came to enjoy the benefits of living by myself.  There are some definite advantages, although I much prefer married life, and even roommates.  But it wasn’t so scary!  I watched movies, cooked out, and bought an XBOX and had a blast.

But I think the most crucial step for me was this one:

Deal with the FEAR.  The only way I was able to enjoy life at all and accept living alone is because God reassured me this was only for a season.  I wasn’t afraid anymore.  I knew His long term will, and I knew He wanted the fear gone, and He wanted me to seek a stronger relationship with Him.  Fear is a crippling condition that we must address, otherwise it will suck the life out of us, no matter what God is trying to do, good or bad.

God took me through this time for six months, where I had more time to myself than ever before.  But I found out that He was there, it was only for a season, and that I could trust my Father.