I was in a place of prayer the other day, and I was praying for some things specifically and as usual I was focusing on a lot of things in my life where I need God to move. I think I was also voicing some of my frustration at how prayer can be just drudgery and difficult sometimes. I love God so much, but I just wish praying regularly was just a bit easier!
All of a sudden I felt like I heard Him say to me, "Why is this always about your needs? WHY CAN'T YOU JUST LOVE ME?"
I was rocked.... Why had this never occurred to me? How could I be so continually self-centered?
The first and greatest command: Love the Lord your God with all your heart, soul, mind and strength. Everything I do should be with this in mind. I had turned prayer into a selfish, fear-centered task designed to deal with my issues. Instead, my faithful, gracious King desires to walk with me and talk with me, and desires to love me, and BE LOVED by me! What a worthy calling! To just love my King back!
I resolve that my prayer must be an act of worship to the God who deserves it. He has loved me with a drenching, indescribable love, and He has saved me for all eternity! Forgive me, Lord! And know that I love you so much! I will pray to you because I love you! Thank you for the privilege and honor of prayer!
Publish Post
Friday, May 20, 2011
Wednesday, March 23, 2011
Irresponsible faith???
Psalm 20:7 says this:
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."
Following Jesus can be one of the strangest journeys of all. And sometimes it just feels downright irresponsible! How can I say that? Well... my own journey often has taken me to a place where God is asking for some risky obedience. He says, "write the check" when there really isn't that much money in the account. He says, "help that person" when the world says it's enabling his problems. He says, "Trust me." But trusting Him feels like stepping off of a cliff...
I have been saying something a lot lately... If God doesn't show up, we're cooked.
But then I see David, before he was made king, running in the wilderness from King Saul. David had seemingly every right and even every inclination that he should kill King Saul. But David knew in that radical submission to the authorities around him would be blessed. Or at least he hoped it would be. And the men surrounding him, his friends, even thought he was crazy for sparing Saul's life. But he did it twice, and God blessed him for it. And sparing Saul's life even extended the duration of David's suffering in the wilderness.
Obedience is costly. Trust can be quite terrifying!
But HE is FAITHFUL!
Time and time again our checks don't bounce, and money ends up in savings. Time and time again He shows up. Time and time again I see on the other side of the jump that the big arms of my God catch me and carry me through to a better place.
And so I jump again!
But if He doesn't show up, I'm cooked!
"Some trust in chariots and some in horses,
but we trust in the name of the LORD our God."
Following Jesus can be one of the strangest journeys of all. And sometimes it just feels downright irresponsible! How can I say that? Well... my own journey often has taken me to a place where God is asking for some risky obedience. He says, "write the check" when there really isn't that much money in the account. He says, "help that person" when the world says it's enabling his problems. He says, "Trust me." But trusting Him feels like stepping off of a cliff...
I have been saying something a lot lately... If God doesn't show up, we're cooked.
But then I see David, before he was made king, running in the wilderness from King Saul. David had seemingly every right and even every inclination that he should kill King Saul. But David knew in that radical submission to the authorities around him would be blessed. Or at least he hoped it would be. And the men surrounding him, his friends, even thought he was crazy for sparing Saul's life. But he did it twice, and God blessed him for it. And sparing Saul's life even extended the duration of David's suffering in the wilderness.
Obedience is costly. Trust can be quite terrifying!
But HE is FAITHFUL!
Time and time again our checks don't bounce, and money ends up in savings. Time and time again He shows up. Time and time again I see on the other side of the jump that the big arms of my God catch me and carry me through to a better place.
And so I jump again!
But if He doesn't show up, I'm cooked!
Monday, February 14, 2011
Arguing with a homeless man...
This morning I got into an argument with a homeless man. He decided that he is the Arch Angel Gabriel and was sent to tell me about the end of times. He also added that the right wing Christian people are hypocrites and will be judged. He also told me all ways to God are the same including Buddha, and that I didn’t know who Jesus was myself, but he did.
The sad part of all this is that this man has actually come to our church before, and although still strange, he was never this out of it. How did he get this way? And what could we have done to help him?
This morning I did something I normally don’t do and sat down and tried to reason with him. I normally don’t like conflict or getting into arguments, but my heart broke for him and for the smell and look of his homelessness and all he was wearing. My heart broke at his rage and anger toward me and toward Christians when he didn’t even know me and I realized how far from the peace and the love of my Savior he actually was.
Lord my prayer is this: please break my heart more – help me to have the passion and the desire and the sorrow that You have for a lost and hurting and broken world. Please don’t let me stay in a quiet comfortable safe mental world. Lord, drive me out by the pain and the brokenness that drove you into our world. Your love never stops searching for us. Lord let that love be alive in me today. Please rescue this man. Rescue me. That is my prayer today. Amen
The sad part of all this is that this man has actually come to our church before, and although still strange, he was never this out of it. How did he get this way? And what could we have done to help him?
This morning I did something I normally don’t do and sat down and tried to reason with him. I normally don’t like conflict or getting into arguments, but my heart broke for him and for the smell and look of his homelessness and all he was wearing. My heart broke at his rage and anger toward me and toward Christians when he didn’t even know me and I realized how far from the peace and the love of my Savior he actually was.
Lord my prayer is this: please break my heart more – help me to have the passion and the desire and the sorrow that You have for a lost and hurting and broken world. Please don’t let me stay in a quiet comfortable safe mental world. Lord, drive me out by the pain and the brokenness that drove you into our world. Your love never stops searching for us. Lord let that love be alive in me today. Please rescue this man. Rescue me. That is my prayer today. Amen
Monday, January 17, 2011
Stealing Kisses
I have a 13 month little girl, who of course is the cutest baby on the planet. One of the most frustrating things for me as a daddy who so loves this little girl is that I just want to kiss her little face ten thousand times. But she rarely if ever kisses me back. She isn't a cuddler much and so affection from her is rare and greatly treasured. So whenever I get to hold her and carry her either up or down the stairs or to and from some place, I use the opportunity to steal a few kisses. I'm her daddy, after all. She tolerates it enough, and occasionally I get one back!
In all honesty there's something else to this: I know she needs it. This little girl needs to know that I love her, she is precious to me, and that she is safe with me. She doesn't even know how much she needs that assurance, because I am glad to say she has never gone without it. I have been around those who haven't had the affection of a father or mother. I have been to foreign places where affection is so rare that children who don't even know you climb in your lap, and put their heads on your shoulders craving to know they are significant in the eyes of someone. They need this.
And we need it too, most especially from God, the source of the perfect love, the perfect reassurance, the perfect acceptance. And I realize that all my life God has been chasing me, time after time, stealing kisses... A sunset that caught my heart. A bright starry sky in Colorado. A friend who comes up beside me and prays for me. My wife, when she looks at me and tells me she believes in me. A church service where God speaks straight to me and comforts my fears. All love comes from God, because he invented it. God wants to love me.
Isaiah 30:15 says, "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.'"
Do we realize that in the loving arms of God is the strength to live? Do we realize that in rest and quietness with him we find the love and acceptance that heals the wounds of the world and give us an renewed courage and faith that we can make it? So often though, we will "have none of it." We push the snooze, jump frantically into the shower and rush off. Our prayers are quick, desperate, and over meals if at all. The Bible is dusty and rarely opened except maybe at church.
So God resorts to stealing kisses, loving us anyway, but grieving that we don't realize what we could have... if we loved him back.
In all honesty there's something else to this: I know she needs it. This little girl needs to know that I love her, she is precious to me, and that she is safe with me. She doesn't even know how much she needs that assurance, because I am glad to say she has never gone without it. I have been around those who haven't had the affection of a father or mother. I have been to foreign places where affection is so rare that children who don't even know you climb in your lap, and put their heads on your shoulders craving to know they are significant in the eyes of someone. They need this.
And we need it too, most especially from God, the source of the perfect love, the perfect reassurance, the perfect acceptance. And I realize that all my life God has been chasing me, time after time, stealing kisses... A sunset that caught my heart. A bright starry sky in Colorado. A friend who comes up beside me and prays for me. My wife, when she looks at me and tells me she believes in me. A church service where God speaks straight to me and comforts my fears. All love comes from God, because he invented it. God wants to love me.
Isaiah 30:15 says, "This is what the Sovereign LORD, the Holy One of Israel, says: 'In repentance and rest is your salvation, in quietness and trust is your strength, but you would have none of it.'"
Do we realize that in the loving arms of God is the strength to live? Do we realize that in rest and quietness with him we find the love and acceptance that heals the wounds of the world and give us an renewed courage and faith that we can make it? So often though, we will "have none of it." We push the snooze, jump frantically into the shower and rush off. Our prayers are quick, desperate, and over meals if at all. The Bible is dusty and rarely opened except maybe at church.
So God resorts to stealing kisses, loving us anyway, but grieving that we don't realize what we could have... if we loved him back.
New update on Beth Evans...
Here is the latest from Matt and Beth Evans...
We just spoke with Dr. Boulad today ... another good report. They continue to wean her off the IV meds and replace them with pills. She should be completely off morphine early tomorrow (they have to wean you off morphine b/c of its addictive effects).
They give you a special drug to stimulate your white blood count. Beth is no longer taking that so her counts are leveling off.
Her new marrow is now making red blood cells and platelets. She is still getting an occasional platelet transfusion during this transition as the new blood cells keep up and then build up. She has not had a red cell transfusion in quite some time.
So ... counts are looking good and getting better, organs look good, pain is under control and almost gone, and all IV meds are being either eliminated or replaced by pills.
The dangers remain infections and Graft Versus Host Disease but the doctors are very vigilant and proactive in prevention.
As of now, Beth should be released from the hospital sometime late tomorrow (Tuesday).
She will then be in outpatient status for quite some time (and would be readmitted in the event of a fever, signs of infection, or any sign of Graft versus Host Disease).
Feel free to share this and please keep praying for Beth to regain strength, for her counts to continue to strengthen, and for protection against infection & Graft vs. Host Disease.
Thanks so much!!
Matt
We just spoke with Dr. Boulad today ... another good report. They continue to wean her off the IV meds and replace them with pills. She should be completely off morphine early tomorrow (they have to wean you off morphine b/c of its addictive effects).
They give you a special drug to stimulate your white blood count. Beth is no longer taking that so her counts are leveling off.
Her new marrow is now making red blood cells and platelets. She is still getting an occasional platelet transfusion during this transition as the new blood cells keep up and then build up. She has not had a red cell transfusion in quite some time.
So ... counts are looking good and getting better, organs look good, pain is under control and almost gone, and all IV meds are being either eliminated or replaced by pills.
The dangers remain infections and Graft Versus Host Disease but the doctors are very vigilant and proactive in prevention.
As of now, Beth should be released from the hospital sometime late tomorrow (Tuesday).
She will then be in outpatient status for quite some time (and would be readmitted in the event of a fever, signs of infection, or any sign of Graft versus Host Disease).
Feel free to share this and please keep praying for Beth to regain strength, for her counts to continue to strengthen, and for protection against infection & Graft vs. Host Disease.
Thanks so much!!
Matt
Friday, January 7, 2011
Another awesome Beth Evans Update!
BETH UPDATE!!!
Today Beth actually had a "neutrophil" count of 1.0.
A neutrophil is the specific type of white cell the doctors look for to determine in engraftment of the new marrow is occurring.
A neutrophil count >0.5 for 3 consecutive days equals engraftment.
So if Beth keeps this count for 2 more days, the bone marrow will have officially and medically and prayerfully ENGRAFTED!!
The chemo side effects are getting a little worse (mouth & throat sores; can't eat; upset stomach at times) but as Beth gains white cells they will start helping all this stuff heal up so it is just part of this long fight.
Thanks for the love, prayers, and support!
matt
Wednesday, January 5, 2011
LATEST BETH EVANS UPDATE!
Here is the latest from Matt:
Today the doctors came in and shocked us with the news that Beth has a white blood cell count as of today, DAY 7 after transplant.
This is significant for a couple of reasons:
1) This means the stem cells are actually now producing cells. Medically, this is good news that has arrived a few days early!!
2) Today is Barry Patterson's birthday. Barry died of Fanconi related bone marrow failure and is Beth's brother. We PRAYED for something to occur on THIS SPECIFIC DAY ... and God answered!!
However, this does NOT mean engraftment has occurred. The doctors define engraftment as 3 consecutive days of a neutrophil count (a neutrophil is a specific type of white blood cell) above 0.5. So please continue to pray for engraftment.
Thanks so much for your prayers!!
Matt
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