Loneliness isn't for you...

I was single until age 34, which of course is a bit out of the norm, so I had a lot of loneliness to deal with through those years.  It is a painful and scary place to be, and I found myself sometimes doing the “what if I die an old man in an apartment somewhere and nobody even knows I’m gone” thing.  I remember occasional panic attacks on a Friday or Saturday night if I couldn’t find someone to hang out with, because it just made me feel so isolated.  Loneliness is a real feeling, but I find it’s greatest power is in the FEAR of “will this ever end?”

I remember a specific season when all my roommates left and since I owned a big house, I was there alone.  I had never lived alone, and begged God not to force me to live alone.  At the same time, most of my friends were out of the picture for various reasons (dating, out of state, etc.), and so I had a lot of weekends and nights to myself.  I was heavily involved at church, so I wasn’t without interactions, but the whole thing just felt scary.  And of course the old man in the apartment fear always lingered in the back of my mind.

One day in a prayer time God spoke to my heart.  I suddenly realized that nowhere in scripture is it God’s desire for us to be lonely.  Psalm 68:5-6, and 68:19 say this:

5   A father to the fatherless, a defender of widows, is God in his holy dwelling.
6   God sets the lonely in families, he leads forth the prisoners with singing;  but the rebellious live in a sun-scorched land.”  
19 Praise be to the Lord, to God our Savior, who daily bears our burdens.

God is with us, so we are never alone!  He is the one who takes up our causes and our pain, and He is the one passionate to see us through!  I felt God speak a truth to my heart that demolished all the fear I had been feeling.  This truth became a foundation for joy and peace in my life:

God ALWAYS wants us in relationships, especially with HIM. 

God will NEVER be working to isolate us or disconnect us long term.  The fear of dying old and alone with no one caring is from Hell.  Now this doesn’t mean my own actions or the actions of others won’t cause damage and destruction, but I learned then the path AWAY from loneliness is a path of pursuing God.

During this time I learned some key principles for handling loneliness that I have never forgotten.

God’s presence is real.  If I will seek Him, pray and read the bible, and treat Him like the real presence He says He is, He truly does become a strong tower, a shield, a refuge, etc.  His peace and His joy are beyond compare, and they come only from a relationship with Him!

Stay ENGAGED!  I believe scripture squarely puts some responsibility on us to make an effort in life, but we can be sure if we are trying to have relationships with God and others, He will bless that.  Hebrews 10:25 tells us what God wants:
“Let us not give up meeting together, as some are in the habit of doing, but let us encourage one another—and all the more as you see the Day approaching.”
Also, God clearly wants us serving each other and meeting other’s needs.  Galatians 5:13 says:
“You, my brothers, were called to be free. But do not use your freedom to indulge the sinful nature ; rather, serve one another in love.”
We are given life to love God and love others.  We need to be active in our pursuit of ministering to others needs.  Which leads me to another point…

Accept whoever God provides!  I will say some of my most meaningful relationships came out of a prayer: “God, this person drives me crazy.  But if you want me to love them, I am willing.”  Many of my best relationships started hard, but became life-long connections.
Keep your eyes open.  God wants us to be willing to engage with people from all walks of life.

Enjoy life!  During this time I came to enjoy the benefits of living by myself.  There are some definite advantages, although I much prefer married life, and even roommates.  But it wasn’t so scary!  I watched movies, cooked out, and bought an XBOX and had a blast.

But I think the most crucial step for me was this one:

Deal with the FEAR.  The only way I was able to enjoy life at all and accept living alone is because God reassured me this was only for a season.  I wasn’t afraid anymore.  I knew His long term will, and I knew He wanted the fear gone, and He wanted me to seek a stronger relationship with Him.  Fear is a crippling condition that we must address, otherwise it will suck the life out of us, no matter what God is trying to do, good or bad.

God took me through this time for six months, where I had more time to myself than ever before.  But I found out that He was there, it was only for a season, and that I could trust my Father.

Easy Access....

Many times of late I have battled with feelings of guilt, unworthiness, laziness and sometimes even condemnation.  I think I understand more and more why the Apostle Paul said in 1 Timothy 1:15, "Christ Jesus came into the world to save sinners—of whom I am the worst."  I find it interesting that this writing produced later in Paul's life didn't proclaim how righteous he was in Christ, or how God had made such a marvelous work of his life.  He just was completely aware the he was the worst of sinners.  Hmmm....  Now I'm going to assume HE WAS RIGHT, at least at the time.  I read somewhere someone saying that Paul wasn't exaggerating.  He of all people was given so much grace, so much revelation of God, so much power to accomplish God's will, and yet he still fell so far short of all he could have done had he not been... a sinner.  


Only one has ever accomplished all God called him to do.  His name is Jesus.


I think I know a little how Paul felt.  I have been given so much love and affirmation.  I have an amazing wife and daughter, amazing parents and friends, and have been given so much support.  I have known God since I was six years old, and have been taught all about God's love and power.  I have read books and been to conferences, and I work in a church where I get to pray and seek God and hear awesome teaching.  And yet I struggle so much to just love God.  I feel lazy, wicked and selfish.  Most of all, it just makes me feel completely undeserving.


So then I begin to ask myself: how can I pray?  How can I go before such a loving, giving and Holy God and ask for anything when I am so unworthy?  I already waste the grace and power He has already given me.  How can I go back before Him and ask again?  He deserves so much, and I fail so miserably!  

But then I begin to see the cross.  Now I begin to understand the amazing love of my Father.  By the cross it's not about me any more, it's about what Jesus did for me.  By the cross it's not about the grace I have wasted, it's about the grace he purchased.  By the cross I have access to new grace, daily.  By the cross there is fresh power to overcome today's challenges.  And I am never, ever, ever condemned again!  The condemnation was put on the cross, and it died with my Lord!


So today, by the cross, "Let us then approach the throne of grace with confidence, so that we may receive mercy and find grace to help us in our time of need." (Hebrews 4:16)  What an amazing promise!  What an amazing grace!


What an amazing God!

Walking in the Spirit...

Last weekend I got to hear Matt speak on our incredible need for the Holy Spirit in our lives.  We were able to pray for God to fill us with himself and to help us by the presence of the Spirit of God.  What an incredible gift God has given us of Himself!

John 14:26 says:  “the Counselor, the Holy Spirit, whom the Father will send in my name, will teach you all things and will remind you of everything I have said to you.”

Many times I’ve been asked about what I think it means to walk in the Spirit, and to allow the Spirit to move in my life.  The amazing thing is that recently God has really been teaching me on this very subject.  Things at Rock Bridge move so fast, and many times I get overwhelmed at what I perceive I am not accomplishing.  Working at Shaw was the often the same way, and my wife tells me being a mom feels the same way too.  I think this is how God WANTS things to be, IMPOSSIBLE for us to do on our own!

Life was that way for Jesus.  He had three years to train everyone to take on the ministry after him, convince them of who he was, and tick all the religious leaders off enough to have himself killed on a cross on the specific date of Passover, all the while fulfilling countless other biblical prophecies.  Can you imagine the pressure of trying to make all that happen!  But there was no pressure for him.  He knew his father was with him, so he trusted and walked in the presence and power of God, knowing that all was being orchestrated by heaven.  All he had to do was listen and obey.  Watch and follow.

That’s what it is to walk in the Spirit.  Stay attentive.  Listen for the gentle nudging, the whisper of a correcting voice in our hearts.  The “don’t say that”, or “you need to love them”, or “trust me, I’ve got you!”  I have noticed one thing for sure, if I am not hearing a correcting nudge, or an expanding truth, or just something that makes me realize something new, then I am not walking with the Spirit.  The greatest indication of my dependence on Him is my urgency for prayer, and the awareness of my need for His voice.

I have found the more I trust and let go, the more my to do list seems to dwindle.  The more I listen and obey the simpler things become, the harder things get easier, the chaotic things take on order. 

God is good!  And He is faithful!  He has given us of Himself in the form of the Holy Spirit to accomplish His will and live for His glory!